Click the following link to read the original interview from TropicalFete’s website:

http://tropicalfete.com/?p=5193

Dr. Tesa E. Leonce- Associate Professor Eastern Illinois University

Lovee: Hi Tesa, I know you will cringe at me calling you Dr. Leonce repeatedly, so I hope the first name basis is ok with you…(Laughing out loud)

Tesa:  …and that would be an accurate prediction my dear Lovee, I’m very happy with Tesa – thanks! You are so kind, what a glowing introduction; I am so humbled to be recognised by you in this way. (smiling)

Lovee: (Smiling) You’re welcome, that was easy. I am really grateful that you took the time out of your globe-trotting schedule, (Laughing out loud) to perform this interview. I see you’ve been busy exploring this fascinating planet again with your recent trip to Spain and London- how was it?

Tesa: Ha!  Somehow the idiom “pot calling kettle black”, (the West Indian version that is) seems to apply here!  Lovee, I’ve said this to you so many times, and now I’m happy we’re going to document this.  I have been so inspired by your own fascinating adventures!  You have helped me realize that there are just so many places to discover, exciting cultures to explore, and other hidden treasures to uncover…so much to do, so little time.  My contribution to this finding is that one has to create time, i.e. prioritize.  We all make time for things that are important to us, it’s not even a choice in my opinion; it’s innate.  So, like you, I have decided to make discovery a priority…all types!  But to answer your question, yes, I’ve carved out this time to have this great dialogue with you!  Spain was amazing.  I had read so much about Barcelona, the intrigue brought me there first.  I then migrated south with the birds to Madrid, not really in search of warmer weather (it was March, so no such luck!), but to experience Spain’s bustling metropolis, in stark contrast to Barcelona’s more laid back atmosphere.  But as I said, I’ve seen your travel blogs, and I know I’m preaching to the choir, Lovee!  London was amazing as well, I’ve been a few times now; I was happy to spend time with my Aunt Catherine and Uncle Brian who reside there.  Thanks for asking.

Lovee:  Thank you for those kind words, but don’t get me started on all the wonders and benefits of traveling, we will be here all day! (Laughing out loud) It really is an eye opener and life altering experience. Is traveling also a passion of yours? What do you love the most about discovering new places and cultures?

Tesa:  Well, I truly mean them, Lovee, and you’re right, this conversation can last a lifetime!  Re: travel being a passion – emphatic yes!…and one that is growing in intensity too.  You know, I don’t know that I particularly enjoy the extended hours on planes, trains, and automobiles, but my inner Economist kicks in every time when I come to the same conclusion after getting done with a trip – no, let’s call it an adventure, because trips always evolve that way – the benefits I receive when I get there definitely outweigh all of the costs associated with travel that one can fathom.  It’s not just the money, there are several other opportunity costs as well including time spent away from family, work-related alternatives, and sleep, to name a few!   What I find particularly fascinating about new places in addition to their rich history, architecture, etc. is the fact that when you get there, the way of life is new only to you.  Let me explain what I mean by that. When you get to a location, many things seem so different, like the way people dress, the language they speak, the food they eat, and what they deem as entertainment is just so varied, but the thing is, to everyone else, it is just the norm!  So you can either decide to stand on the sidelines and gawk in discomfort, or you can jump right in and immerse yourself in the culture and be totally transformed by yet another amazing experience that you would never relish had you sat in your office chair or your sofa at home!  The truth is people all over the world are so different, yet so incredibly similar.

Dr. Tesa E. Leonce infront of the Lourve in Paris, France

Lovee: I say it all the time, we (as in people)are more alike than we are different, and when we take time to get to know each other, we realize that. What is the most impressive for me is that you go on some of your journeys solo…WOW! I thought I was the only crazy one (laughing out loud) but in all seriousness, it’s great to know a woman with the same adventurous spirit. A friend recently asked me to accompany her on a trip because she didn’t want to go alone. I told her that going solo is probably the best thing she will ever do for herself, and that the things she will discover about herself and others will broaden her horizons in ways she never imagined. How has the experience been for you?

Tesa:  Actually, Spain was my first solo adventure believe it or not.  I have always gone with family, significant others, or friends in the past.  My mom, Olive, really played a huge role in developing my travel curiosity from early on.  As a matter of fact, my first ‘big’ trip was a gift from her which she felt I deserved based on my performance on A-level exams.  What a treat it was to board that flight to visit family in Jersey, and then clear across the country to California!  My mom and I have clocked the most travel miles together out of all my travel partners, and believe me, my mama is a travel trooper.  You give her one piece of luggage and a plane ticket…and she will be bright-eyed every single day, anticipating the next excursion.

I am becoming more like her, but I didn’t start off that way.  Initially, I found it hard to adapt to functioning with only a few choice items that could fit in a 50-lb contraption…lol.  However, I have learned to pack efficiently and to embrace what I discover at the destination, not what I bring to it.  That principle has actually made the transition from group travel to solo travel a lot smoother.  I had racked up a few miles over the years, so I finally decided to ‘cash in’ on some of them this past spring break.  That was the best decision ever.  I referred to it as my version of Julia Roberts’s Eat, Pray, Love movie which focused on self-discovery, choice, and relationships.   I have to admit that traveling solo did seem daunting at some points, and I knew my family would have probably shared that opinion, so I deliberately decided to make all the travel arrangements and such before informing them.

In a sense, I was holding myself to that choice, not leaving any room for a change of heart.  I did run the idea by my bestie, Kay Doxilly, she has always been an objective sounding board and dishes out the best advice.  She said, “go for it!”  We started referring to it as my ‘big girl trip’ from that point on.  We all need a Kay in our lives.   But you know Lovee, as I discovered an increasing number of reliable online travel resources, and as I leaned on all my prior travel experiences where I had done the bulk of the planning, it became so easy, so natural, and that initial apprehension quickly turned into excitement.  I was literally giving myself pep talks as the travel dates approached…. “it will be fun, Tesa!  You’ll meet these incredible people, learn so much about yourself, be on your own schedule, you can change your mind about anything at any second with zero major repercussions”.

The perks of solo travel seemed endless  (smiling) Well, truth be told, sometimes we seek some sort of external validation…confirmation that we’re making a rational choice, so I subscribed to a travel networking site I discovered online.  When I began interacting with these travel veterans, oh my goodness, I felt so empowered.  Gosh, what was I thinking, I certainly was no pioneer in solo traveling, the world had been doing this all along!  What took me so long?!  When I took this enthusiasm to my family, they were right on board with me cheering me along, and that was icing on the cake.  Lovee, this is the best advice you could give to your friend.  Looking back at this solo adventure, there were definitely instances where I thought, you know this activity could have been more fun with someone else, but then when you get there, wherever ‘there’ is, you meet people, it forces you to get out of your comfort zone, begin dialogue and share experiences with people who were once strangers.  I would highly recommend a solo travel experience at least once.

Dr. Leonce and her beautiful mom exploring the pyramids in Egypt

Lovee: You said it all so well. Thanks for the acknowledgement. Traveling really changed my life, and opened up my eyes to a whole new world, and provided such a broader perspective of the world and others. It truly broadened my horizons beyond anything, and I would encourage anyone if they wanted to truly invest in something worthwhile, they should invest in traveling and exploring this fascinating world we live in. We are both blessed to be able to travel with our mothers. My mom travels everywhere with me, and I can’t tell you how much of a blessing that is.  She is such a great travel buddy and her reactions to certain things are priceless!  (Laughing out loud)  So, of course, we went off subject (smiling) and delved into a topic we both could talk about for hours, because of our mutual love for traveling, but as a little girl growing up in Saint Lucia, what was your dream for your life?

Tesa: Hmm…my dream was to not have to dream!  Does that make sense, Lovee?  I didn’t want to have to dream for too long.  I totally get that there will always be things to strive for and milestones to reach, but I always wanted to be proactive enough where dreams were only short-lived, at least until the next one rolled around; they would be short-lived because they became reality.  My parents instilled the importance of education not just as an accomplishment in itself, but as one of the primary means of converting those dreams.

Lovee: Ahhh…interesting. Love that perspective. What was it like growing up on an Island?

Tesa:  I had an amazing childhood.  Looking back, I can say so wholeheartedly.  One thing I credit my parents for is allowing my three siblings (Livia, Nelma, Lennie) and me to live life without any adult care in the world.  We were never burdened with any issues of finances or any sort of instability.  On a different note, like many other island natives, I didn’t really take full advantage of all the island had to offer.  For instance, we only did the beach excursions on major holidays, even when we lived in Reduit Park, less than five minutes from the beach in Rodney Bay.  We didn’t bask in the sun every weekend, go hiking, or lounge poolside.  We didn’t schmooze with the socio-economic upper echelons; my parents always emphasized modesty.  We didn’t do name brand anything, even though they could afford it.

To some degree, I think growing up with that philosophy had the opposite effect than what was intended; it actually fueled my ambitions to be able to afford those very things.  I at least wanted to allow myself the option to choose.  I didn’t want to have to dream or wish…I just wanted to work hard and achieve.  For my parents, it was paramount to teach us to remain humble and to value the important things in life.  Life mainly revolved around enjoying the company of family and friends.   I spent many weekends with my maternal grandmother, Aunt Hilea and other extended family.  I grew up in a relatively conservative household where faith was central and still remains that way for me.  Much of my youth experience was within the context of protestant churches and catholic schools.  So in addition to my parents, Leonard and Olive Leonce, people like Pastor Marcellus Henry and Sister Claire played major roles in my early years on the island.  Funny enough, when I reminisce about growing up in St. Lucia, it is always within the context of a core group of classmates who are still very dear to me today.  Overall, growing up in St. Lucia was enjoyable, productive, rewarding, and memorable.

Dr. Tesa  E. Leonce-An accomplished, daring and brilliant young woman.

 Lovee: It’s funny because when we tell others that we’re from an Island, they instantly think that we get to do all these fun, adventurous things all day. But, like you, we rarely enjoyed all the wonderful things our Island had to offer, and I think that’s sad, because we are from a place like no other, and we should enjoy the best of our homeland. Were you always a disciplined student at school, and did you excel in every subject?

Tesa:  It’s so true, Lovee.  I appreciate St. Lucia so much more now.  Whenever I go, at least once every year to visit family and friends, I deliberately incorporate at least one ‘touristy’ activity.  That’s my measly attempt at making up for lost time! (smiling)

Was I disciplined…well, it depends on how you define ‘disciplined’…lol.  My dad always accused me of studying in my dreams – ha!  He had purposely incorporated a study room for us when he developed the blue print for our dream home almost 25 years ago.  At nights, he would do his usual unassuming study patrol.  My brother was still very young at the time, so my sisters and I were the usual inmates…lol.  I think I could have been a bit more diligent with my studies, it’s just that I really didn’t appreciate being uncomfortable.  I didn’t see the point of pushing oneself to stay awake when clearly there were physiological demands for sleep!  When I was awake though, I did work really hard; I enjoy learning, particularly when a light bulb comes on – it’s a great feeling.  I always sought to excel in whatever I did, although as expected, it grew more and more challenging as time progressed.   My parents still keep a little ‘shrine’ in our living room with all of our achievements to date.

Dr. Tesa E. Leonce

Lovee: (Laughing out loud) A little rebellious spirit I see. (Smiling) How much of it came naturally, verses you having to always apply yourself and work hard?

Tesa:  I believe my hard work is only part of it.  I have studied many hours, and that discomfort associated with lack of sleep which I tried to avoid in my high school years soon became routine.  So many sacrifices you have to make, it’s part of the deal, Lovee.  By definition, in order to excel, you have to push yourself to the limits and sometimes beyond.  The other component is my faith in God; that continues to be at the core…it keeps me focused and allows me to keep things in perspective.  You know, as I get older, I keep a growing log of defining moments where I know with certainty that only divine intervention got me through.  So to answer your question, I believe the instances when we perceived success to come naturally (because there was no explicit effort on our part) were really the moments when God took over.  He just says, “I’ve got this one, you can relax”.

Lovee:  He sure does! I love that! Ditto my friend, ditto! I take it, you’ve always enjoyed learning?

Tesa:  I wouldn’t say that I always enjoyed it.  I enjoy some elements of the process, for instance the times where I have discovered interesting findings, and have been able to make practical applications, but learning also entails hard work.  Again, I’ll refer to economic theory – a conventional school of thought is that we tend to derive disutility from working, but we choose to engage in the process regardless because it provides a means to earn an income, which then allows us access to items or experiences, which then in turn do bring us some degree of happiness.  I regard learning in that light, it’s a fulfilling process, but I more so enjoy the perks that come upon its completion such as being able to impart that knowledge to others and being able to use the results to positively impact someone else’s existence.  The learning process is life-long, so when I say completion, I’m really referring to completion of a specific stage.

Lovee: Love the part about imparting that knowledge unto others. That’s truly what it’s all about. I know that you have a wonderful relationship with your parents, how much of their influence helped instill that discipline and work ethic?

Tesa: I do; thank you for acknowledging that.  It really laid the foundation for a lot of things.  A sound relationship with my parents provided emotional stability, and that environment definitely fostered discipline and strong work ethic.  My parents have always had high expectations of my siblings and me.  However, they coupled that with support.  .  I think this combo has worked out really well for us ‘kids’.  My eldest sister, Livia, attained a Master’s degree in Nursing, specializing in Emergency Room care and Geriatrics in Canada; my sister Nelly is a practicing dentist, and is currently pursuing graduate studies with a University in the UK while working full time with the St. Lucia Government and private clinic.  My brother is a shrewd business man and built his Hauling Business from the ground up and is expanding his client base as we speak.  We all took different paths, but my parents are equally proud of our achievements.

My mom in particular is my biggest cheerleader, always has been – “pompoms” and all!  The  lady believes I am super woman…lol.  In the past, I think I may have  misguidedly transitioned those expectations to self-imposed pressure to  excel, and that wasn’t always healthy.  However, it was the same healthy relationship with my parents which encouraged open conversations reiterating  that my best is the most they could ever demand, a level that was  definitely attainable.  My dad has his own unique way of letting me know that he is ALWAYS there.  He is more reserved, but always equally proud.   His priority was always to work really hard to ensure that we had what we needed.  When it came to his children, my dad is the most unselfish person I know.  I don’t mean to paint a perfect picture though; as with any other family, we had our dark moments, but thinking about my parents and everything they have done for me really makes me tear up and I thank God for them.  I love them dearly, Lovee…can you tell?  (smiling)  You know, this is the best gift parents can give to their children – support – the reassurance that they will always be there to cheer them on.  I am grateful everyday for a present mom and dad.

Lovee: It’s the greatest gift, and you are blessed to have such nurturing and supportive parents. They make all the difference. Always give thanks. Quite an accomplished family, cheers to all of you. I have to tell you that’s it’s great to do an interview and get to say the word “parents” and not just mother. Mothers are great, but I also love saluting the fathers, seeing how their presence makes such a big difference. Did your father play an instrumental role in your life and success?

Tesa:  I am forever grateful for the fact that I grew up with both of my parents.  Yes, in my formative years, my dad took on the role of strict disciplinarian almost to a fault.  He was always one to swim against the tide and he taught my siblings and me to stand for something, even when it may not have been popular.  He was also a top achiever in his day.  My dad was awarded a full scholarship and successfully completed a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree in Engineering at McGill University in Montreal, Canada.  That was quite an impressive feat for a young man coming up from humble beginnings in Babonneau in the late 70s.  His achievements have always been a source of inspiration to me.  In fact, I’ve since hijacked his diplomas which were once curled up in scroll-like fashion in a dresser drawer somewhere at home; they’re now featured prominently on my living room wall, and I still well up with pride every time I see them.

Dr. Tesa E. Leonce and her proud father

Dr.Leonce  father’s University Diploma hangs nicely in her home. She is a proud daughter.

Lovee: Fantastic! Continue to celebrate him and his greatness. You should be proud. There are many great men like your father in the Caribbean, and we need to acknowledge them more. You attended the St Joseph Convent, one of the oldest and most reputable institutions of learning on the Island, but also one of the strictest. How did that experience mold you into the woman you are today?

Tesa:  When I think St. Joseph’s Convent, I think Sister Claire!  I think she was the most widely known principal on the island.  Her reputation for enforcing discipline preceded her.  So there!  I got it from home AND school; there was no running away from it.  The bar was set very high at the Convent.  There were a number of incentives provided to students…positive reinforcement, but just as well were there severe consequences for what I’ll refer to as infractions. (Smiling)

My experience there taught me about the power of relationships and networking.  It is an all-female institution, and many of my classmates would agree that it nurtured a sisterhood which transcends loose adolescent ties.  I was surrounded by the best and the brightest minds, competition was palpable, and I was always driven to achieve in those ‘hallowed walls’ as they are referred to in the school’s anthem.

Lovee: It definitely worked in your favor. The older I get, the more I realize the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who challenge and empower us to do and be our best. It’s imperative! It’s the only way we can truly reach our full potential and realize our greatness. What do you value most about the education system in the Caribbean?

Tesa:  The intricate weaving of diligence and achievement – that’s what I value most about the fabric of our education system.  There is no quick fix, no ‘cracker jack box’ diploma or degree.   Students are expected to work hard, think critically, and write intelligently and creatively, and yes, commit things to memory.  There are no cheat sheets, extra credit opportunities, or review sheets of what’s coming on the exam.  Everything is fair game, why?  Because it’s all important!  Of course, different components have different degrees of relevance, but important nonetheless.

Lovee: Well said. I think I will be quoting you in the future with those words. (Smiling) And having gone through all the ranks of education, now a professor, what do you think we need to improve on overall?

Tesa:   I think we need to cultivate an environment of innovation in the classroom, and to reward students for being creative.  I think sometimes students get overly consumed with becoming sponges in unfiltered data pools.  Sometimes the assessment methods used in our education system encourage students to simply regurgitate material acquired from documented sources, rather than apply that data appropriately to consider practical applications and form policy implications.  I think we need to encourage our students to complement the lenses of their learning microscopes with those of ‘macroscopes’ – the big picture!   We need to nurture the inherent curiosity among our students rather than suppress it with the status quo.

Lovee: Ahhhh…brilliant! I know my friend, CXC registrar, Dr Didacus Jules will be reading this interview, and I’m sure he will appreciate your sentiments. I asked because he and I are constantly brainstorming about ways in which we can connect with the youth and make learning fun. How do you make learning interesting for your students?

Tesa:  Students like to feel empowered, they appreciate guidance, but they are motivated when they have some degree of ownership in their educational experience.  You can spend countless hours developing an amazing lesson plan which involves you dictating in front of the classroom all day long, or you can get their input.  I believe that learning becomes fun when it becomes relevant.  It has to matter to them, to their personal lives, professional ambitions; it just has to matter.  Content – that’s the first thing.  The next is pedagogical approach.  I think as educators, we have to determine what they consider to be ‘fun’.

A few years ago, my colleague Dr. Linda Ghent and I led a study abroad program to Barbados, where our students were able to make things relevant.  They weren’t all Economics majors, in fact, only two of them were.  We had Education majors, Photo-journalism majors, Political Science, Nursing, and Foreign Language majors.  Built into the curriculum was the opportunity for them to perform comparative studies in their respective fields.  They got to interact with peers across the Atlantic with similar field interests, but in many cases totally different approaches to achieving end goals, and that made the course material and their unique experiences relevant.

Many of my classes involve student role playing.  They’ve been CEOs of major corporations, government officials, disgruntled consumers or employees, production managers, mediators, and the list goes on.  I also find myself using more media in the classroom.  I have YouTube playlists dedicated to specific courses.  Students love when you break the monotony of class lectures.  They want to learn from people’s experiences.  They want our theories to be validated by other authorities in the field, or better yet by the experiences of everyday folk like themselves.  Then, it becomes relevant and memorable, and applicable, and then yes, you guessed it – fun!

Dr. Tesa E. Leonce with her students on their graduation day

Lovee: I think you better get started on that book soon my friend; you have some innovative and brilliant ideas. You are now an Adjunct Professor at Eastern Illinois University. Did you always want to become a professor? What made you decide to pursue that path?

Tesa:  I didn’t start off wanting to become a professor.  I was either going to return to the corporate setting or work at a major think tank or policy institution.  Again, I wanted to be relevant and I wanted to impact lives.  That was one of the reasons I had pursued an internship as a graduate student with the United Nations Secretariat in 2005.  I worked with the Office for Least Developed Countries, Landlocked Countries, and Small Island States.  It was a very rewarding experience.  However, as I progressed with my doctoral program, I got more engaged in the world of academia.

Actually, I never assumed adjunct status; I started off as Tenure-track faculty in 2007 after I completed my doctoral studies that year.  The official title in the US ranking is Assistant Professor.  Although I tend to remain private about these things Lovee, I will tell you that less than 24 hours ago, I got the official letter from the university authorities confirming that I was awarded Tenure, and will now be promoted to Associate Professor status, effective fall 2013.    Yay! It really is a big deal in the world of academia mostly because of the job security and other perquisites it provides.  For me, it’s simply another springboard for the next jump! (Smiling)

Lovee: CONGRATULATIONS! YES, THAT IS HUGE! (Smiling) BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR A YOUNG WOMAN AS YOURSELF! I GOT GOOSEBUMPS WHEN YOU SAID THAT! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! SO PROUD! GO SAINT LUCIA! (Smiling) I’m sure Sister Claire will be smiling too. Once you graduated from University, was the transition into the work place a difficult one? Was it difficult finding employment?

Tesa: Thank you so much, Lovee!  Girl, all things are possible with God.  I’m still thanking Him for the times when He told me “Relax, I’ve got this”(smiling).

2007 was a good year in the US Labor Market.  It was the calm before the storm.  I had decided to pursue the professor route, and there is a clearly defined system in Economics.  Universities would post openings from July or August.  To give yourself the best shot at landing the job that next fall, application packets had to be out to prospective employers by September, a full year in advance.  The interview calls would come in towards the end of November, and campus fly-outs for the short-listed candidates took place in January – February, with final offers made in March.  I was fortunate to have secured over twenty interviews with several reputable institutions that year.

Eastern Illinois University had mastered the ‘game’, they interviewed early to increase their chances of securing their top candidates.  I can never be sure if I was their first pick, but I was so happy to have received the job offer in February of that year.  The transition was relatively smooth; I had now assumed a leading role in the learning experience of others.  I work with a great group of colleagues, so it makes for a good working environment.

Lovee: People know greatness when they see it. And you are great, and you deserve nothing but the best. You know, the road to success is not a smooth or easy one. I know that there will be young people reading this wondering what were some of the challenges you faced on your journey, and how you overcame them. Would you like to share any of them with us?

Dr. Tesa E Leonce making time to have  some fun also in Barbados

Tesa:  Challenges – where do I begin?! (Smiling)  Let me preface my response by saying they are inevitable.  One of the big challenges for me was coming to terms with the fact that everyone around you is not necessarily there to embrace you or your successes.  Sometimes you just to put on your big-girl shoes and charge right on.  I left home to pursue undergraduate studies at Midwestern State University when I was 19 years old, young and somewhat impressionable.  Having to navigate life – ranging from basic day-to-day housekeeping factors, career paths, to even relationship choices – was challenging.  My own complacency in some areas was a challenge, and dealing with failure was particularly difficult for me because I got used to the initial success.

Lovee: Ahhhh…Those Aha moments! We’ve all been there, and we will continue to have those moments. C’est Lavie (Smiling) But, they really place everything in perspective though, and in the end, all we can do is be thankful, because it strengthens our core, it makes us better, with some added humility, which is always a good thing. What advice would you give to anyone with a dream or goal faced with obstacles and challenges?

Tesa:  I would tell them what my dissertation advisor, Dr. Jason Shogren, would tell me, “Keep going”.  Every time I came up on another hurdle, he maintained that consistent coaching line.  It was simple, but effective.  You have to be motivated by something or someone meaningful, that way the medal always makes the race worthwhile.  I would also tell them what my mom would tell me, “pray, and then work hard”.  Then I would end with my advice, failure does not mean the end, it’s another shot at a new beginning.  You know, come to think of it, I may actually be paraphrasing something I read in your book “A Girl Like Me”.  I’m almost certain of it now.

Lovee: Yes! Keep going, my wise friend Freddie’s words to me always. Life will throw some really tough challenges and situations our way, but we have to keep going. It’s the only way. What advice would you give to the youth about success?

Tesa: Demand it from yourselves.  Sometimes, we can be our own setback.  Don’t gauge your success against mediocrity; always look to the people who have surpassed your achievements by leaps and bounds, because success is always relative.  If your success doesn’t drive you to achieve the next big thing, then it will be relegated to transient accolades in a world with a disturbingly short attention span.  Keep going!  Complacency feeds mediocrity.

Lovee:  Ditto!  Very well said! I always say, you can’t demand from others what you don’t demand from yourself.  You often hear people say I want/expect this and that from others, but are YOU all of those things? What we demand from others, must be a reflection of us. SET THAT BAR HIGH! An idle mind is truly a devils workshop. It’s scary. It’s very important that we surround ourselves with people with a sense of purpose. People who are so busy in their own lives, with their own goals, that they have little time for anything else. As you continue on your journey, what is the ultimate goal? Where do you see yourself in let’s say ten years? Apart from globe-trotting of course, (Laughing out loud)

Dr. Tesa E Leonce getting acquainted with a camel in Egypt

Tesa:  I agree with you wholeheartedly!  Well, when I’m not trying to follow YOUR footsteps across the globe Lovee –Lol – I try to think ahead.  I’m definitely a Type A ‘kinda gal’ (this is the Texas and Wyoming influence).  My ultimate goal is two-fold: to be fulfilled and to impact positively.  I’ll start with the easy part…I would certainly love to progress professionally.  I would love to advance in academia with respect to my research and scholarship, and ultimately climb up the administrative rungs to the position of President at a reputable university.  Hey, I’m taking my own advice – aim high!  I would love to have formulated a system of paying it forward and empowering our youth.  But you know Lovee, at the end of the day, I still return to family.  I would love to be married and nurturing a family of my own.  I’m still traditional in that sense.  Lovee, you know I’m really private about my personal life, but let’s just say I’ve been making strides in that area– wish me luck! LOL.  I would love to be in a position where I can care for my parents comfortably.  I hope to be embracing my forties, instead of fearing them…lol.  I think these are all attainable.

Lovee: From your lips to God’s ears! It will all happen for you my friend. Inshallah! Any plans on returning home (Saint Lucia) one day?

Tesa:  I get that question a lot; that will be determined by several factors – family commitments, employment opportunities, unanticipated priority reshuffling. I can’t say definitively that I will resume full residency at home.  What I can say is that I plan to play an active role in the development of, not only St. Lucia, but the Caribbean region.  The most natural route for me would be via education.   I believe education empowers.  I would like to work with policy makers to make higher education more accessible to our youth.  So many of them are competent and possess academic drive and career dreams; however, they lack financial capital.  We need to address this problem in St. Lucia and the region, we need to develop solutions.  My former employer and mentor, Mr. Lisle Chase, and his colleague Dr. Stephen King recently approached me about getting involved in a proposal that is already on the table designed to tackle this very concern.  The plans are still in the preliminary stages, but I hope to pursue something along those lines.

Lovee: Indeed. Love your reflections.  No matter what you decide, your light will shine wherever you go, and I know that Saint Lucia is proud and honored to have you as one of its own. I also know that God will continue to use you to make a difference in the lives of all you meet. And I must say again, thank you for always being supportive of me and my work. It meant so much to me when you flew in and attended my first book launch in Florida. I can never express enough how much it meant to me. And you were one of the first people to give a review of my book, a good one at that, and it meant so much. We truly never know how in our own unique way we can inspire someone and change their lives, so again, thank you for being a light in my life and in the lives of so many. Continue to soar and be an example to us all. God bless.

Dr. Tesa E. Leonce and Loverly Sheridan at the author’s launching of her book “A Girl Like Me.”

Tesa: It was truly a pleasure, Oprah – I’m sorry – I mean Lovee (smiling)!  You really do have the gift of communicating, and you do it well.  You choose to inspire, and that unselfish charm is hard to ignore.  Congrats to you on all your achievements.  Its been a whirlwind of amazing moments for you, and I will always be in the cheering section.  I promised I would be there, wherever that first book launch was going to be, I would not have missed it!  What a great story you continue to tell, Lovee.

Thank you so much for the opportunity to be featured as one of your “Loverly People”.  It’s an honor really.  I hope my story inspires someone out there to spring into action to achieve his or her goals.  By God’s grace, keep going!

Lovee:  I am sure it will. It is my honor and  pleasure. Thank you for those inspiring words. God bless.

Nicole Regobert, left with local kids in Zambia

Lovee: Hi Nicole, thank you for agreeing to share your wonderful adventure with me and my readers. I am really excited about sharing your story, because I always try to encourage others to use their gifts, skills and talents to help make a difference in the lives of others, and you are the epitome of someone who is doing just that!

I can remember when you mentioned that you would be going to Zambia, and told me about your project, I was overwhelmed with joy! I knew it would be a life changing experience for you, and by the look of the images and videos it was! Kudos to you!

So, how did the Zambia project  come about?

Nicole: Thank you so much for interviewing me! I am so honored to share this story with you as we definitely share a passion for giving back and travelling! (Smiling) The story behind this project is quite interesting. It started when a Peace Corps volunteer who was assigned to the village in Lumwana, Zambia died unfortunately in a bike accident while on vacation in South Africa. Her parents visited the village thereafter and quickly recognized the major need for education. Not only did school finish at middle school level (around age 13) in the village, but the nearest high school was very far and expensive so few students continued. Moreover if a family had to send a family member, they would choose to send the boys instead of the girls.

As a solution for this, her parents started an organization called EBZEF (Elizabeth Bowers Zambia Education Fund) in her honor to fund high school education for some of these girls in the village (who became known as Beth’s Girls) and in time also built a small library for the village. However, realizing that funding for the girls may come to an end in the near future they reached out to Engineers Without Borders USA (EWB) to build a high school in the village as a more beneficial solution so that these children wouldn’t have to travel so far to attend. Some of the volunteers who had worked on the library were also part of EWB in Washington State and they spread the word quickly about this. That’s where I came in…

Giving back has always held a significant role in my life as a way of using our talents to help people. Being in the engineering/project mgmt. profession provided such a tangible way of doing this. I had just moved to Washington State and felt like I wasn’t making the most of my life/time, so I started looking for volunteer opportunities (it actually was my New Year’s resolution for 2010).

I became involved in a number of community volunteer programs with Habitat for Humanity and my local PMI chapter but when I was approached with this project it immediately touched me, as I knew we had a profound opportunity to really make a valuable difference in the lives of this community and I was so energized to start. I started doing the project scheduling to organize all the tasks we had to do and then became Project Manager and have been heavily invested ever since.

Nicole Regobert, Center with the EWB-Engineers Without Borders team

Lovee: WOW! It’s amazing how things align themselves.  It is very sad the passing of that Peacecorp volunteer, but I’m so happy her parents were able to honor her memory with this foundation. Was it difficult getting team/sponsors to support this initiative?

Nicole: Yes, funny how things happen. Her parents have really initiated some amazing things for the village. With any volunteer work of that nature I think the most difficult part is not really getting people initially interested but getting long term commitment. People are volunteering their time and skills without getting paid so as a group leader you have to tread a fine line in keeping people motivated to stay the long run.  I always say, if you can succeed within a leadership role in a volunteer organization you can be a leader anywhere!

EWB consists of student chapters and professional chapters. Student chapters have the benefit of having students with a lot of free time although not much experience, however, professional chapter like ours have the opposite problem – a lot of experience, very little free time. A lot of the members had full time jobs and families etc, so the challenge was aligning the right people with the right tasks so that they were not overwhelmed, and that it fit into their work/home schedule. In addition, although we gradually got support from community organizations, it was also initially challenging to get support from my job in the form of resources etc. and an understanding for what I was doing, but this changed greatly over time and they became one of our core sponsors.

Nicole Regobert with local women in Zambia

Lovee:  What an accomplishment! I am so happy you did not give up! I know just what you speak about when you say it is difficult to get others to share the vision and commit long term without any financial reward, but more for the common good or betterment of mankind. What were some of the other challenges you faced putting such an extensive project together?

Nicole: Yes, the motivation has to be there solely for the purpose of goodwill but even with that people have things that come up that sometimes take priority. There were a couple of main challenges – Getting a strong committed team together, distance, fundraising and support. I was able to overcome the 1st one by learning how to gain a diverse group of people who can each help in whatever way works best for them (many work tasks off and on such as looking at a calculation or just one main task for a longer period of time). We also were able to work with the students in the local university (WSU) who have more free time. Secondly, coordination with the Zambian counterparts was difficult and delayed because of the distance, challenges in technology as well as the time zones.

We overcame the fundraising/support challenge by diligently working on our grant writing to local and international companies such as Rotary International and were rewarded greatly for our perseverance. Through this process, my company, Bechtel became one of our top sponsors in conjunction with its new focus on sustainability and volunteering as a key company initiative. They developed a whole new ‘Stewardship’ department with focus on this, and now support our project with funding and technical resources and have even joined the EWB Board!  It was like everything fell into place! All that was left to do was to make the best of it.

Nicole Regobert and team members having a photo op with local children on building site in Zambia

Lovee:  Again, you prove what perseverance, hard work and commitment can do. You overcame all the road blocks, and in the end, even established a department within your company. Great work! So, once everything came together, what was your greatest fear as you got ready to leave?

Nicole: Thank you! (Smiling) It may not pay off right away but this has really shown me that it does in the long run and the universe will align your path to make things happen. We sent teams to the village in 2010 and 2011 to do water and structural assessments so we had a good idea of the community. However, this was the implementation trip to actually break ground so I was very apprehensive of all of the potential unknowns. We only had a very short period of time to conduct all of our foundation tasks as well as organize procurement for the next stage and each task depended on another. My greatest fear was that one thing would go wrong and affect everything else down the line with no time to fix it! We were also a little nervous about the safety and health risks, so we made sure to work with EWB Headquarters, World Vision and the embassy ahead of time to take all necessary precautions beforehand and while we were there.

Lovee: We do the best we can, but we must never underestimate the power of faith. I know you travel extensively for work, but had you ever visited any countries in Africa prior?

Nicole: No! I had never been to Africa before so it was such a wonderful opportunity to visit in such a profound way.

Lovee: I bet! What was your first impression once you arrived in Zambia?

Nicole: I actually had a few first impressions!! (laughing out loud)
1. I felt at home. Their culture was so much like our West Indian culture! From their folk singing to their dancing to their mannerisms – everything.
2. The people were so warm and hospitable.
3. The children were so full of joy and so eager to learn. It made me want to hurry up and get the school built to give them that opportunity. Who knows, the next Zambian leader may be one of them!

Nicole Regobert and team member Ricky Franzese, enjoying a meal with the locals

Lovee: Indeed! And that’s one of the great things about implementing and creating such wonderful initiatives. The foundation we are building and the opportunities we are creating for the youth. They are the future. I share your sentiments about the people and the similarities in our culture.  Africa is indeed our motherland! As the days passed, what were some of the harsh realities that you were force to face, and was the transition easy for you?

Nicole: Well some of the realities were what I expected. Work wise – the procurement organization took longer than expected due to lack of stock. The rainy season had just started so we had to stop for a few hours every other morning or so to wait for the rain to stop and then resume work in the mud but it gave us an opportunity to take a break and also gain some serious dance lessons from the workers. (smiling)

Nicole Regobert, having fun with local kids in Zambia

There was no electricity, running water or toilets so we had to adapt to the village’s way of life but it was definitely a humbling and learning experience – in a good way!  (laughing out loud)  Oh yes, let me not forget the bugs. Africa has some serious wildlife and that includes giant bugs!! But we adapted quickly…eventually.  (Smiling)

Nicole Regobert, crushing mushrooms local style in Zambia

Lovee:  (Laughing out loud) I did see those dance moves you captured in pictures and on video! That’s what I really loved about your trip; you really immersed yourself in the culture, and lived like a true local. A lot of people go over to Africa to do missionary work, and in the evenings, they stay at the Hilton hotel, so kudos to you for going the entire mile. Once you and your team started with the building phase, what were some of the challenges faced?

Nicole: As mentioned, the rain became a challenge as well as the procurement. We did not have many of the materials in time and so there were short delays while we had to go back and forth to the nearest town (which was about 3 hours away) to obtain them which affected the schedule a bit, but we were able to get back on track. In addition, while surveying we realized that the land was on a slight hill (not visible to the eye) and that affected our staking. We also hit rock while digging and had to make adjustments to our calculations to raise trenching and allow for this as well.

Nicole Regobert with team member Kontien Chan on site in Zambia

Lovee: We can plan for everything, but we can’t predict the weather. (laughing out loud)How did the people in the community respond to you’ll efforts?

Nicole: I have honestly never met a more hardworking and welcoming people. It was very clear that they recognized the importance of education for their children and the benefit the school would bring, so they were very appreciative of our work. They helped us in any way they could and really went out of their way to make us feel comfortable. The headmaster accompanied us on all our trips, translated for us and took care of any needs we had.  The other community members were highly participative throughout the duration of the project. The librarian, Sandra, cooked food for us daily and prepared hot water for bathing. The core construction workers were 8-10 men of varied age from the village or surrounding areas who were chosen to work on the project. These men were eager to help and were excited to learn new skills and use the tools we brought. They volunteered their labor for the footing phase of the project without payment and worked extremely hard to finish on schedule. They even started building the brick way before we even got there!

Nicole Regobert and Team member with local volunteers in Zambia

Lovee: Don’t you just love humility and gratitude! (smiling) It really ignites the spirit and motivates us to give more of ourselves. Once in an interview, Oprah Winfrey echoed your sentiments about the graciousness and humility of the African people, when she too was building a school there. She expressed their enthusiasm for learning, and their eagerness to always give a helping hand. It inspired her to want to do more, because she knew that her efforts, time and resources were appreciated and making a difference. Something often taken for granted in the Western world. What impressed you the most about the people?

Nicole: I think what impressed me most was one how very happy they were! They may not have had much but they took joy in every part of the day and this started from the kids up to the adults. They literally were always smiling and took every opportunity to laugh or sing or dance (like during the rain spells). Some of them did not speak English very well but I was able to communicate in that way just through their open and joyful spirit. Secondly, they were so very respectful and hardworking. There was a quiet dignity that I will never forget and it was clear that they took pride in themselves and their surroundings. I learnt to take time to enjoy life one day at a time and to never forget my dignity.

Local children helping out on building site in Zambia

Lovee: I love that! I felt the very same way being there. It really takes you on a spiritual journey and causes you to look inward. It just allows one to realize just how blessed they really are, and how we should never take anything for granted. I’m sure with every passing day you found many reasons to be inspired, and it probably opened up your mind and heart to so much. Describe that feeling.

Nicole: Yes! It was such a life changing and inspirational trip. I have never spent time anywhere else that has changed my entire view on life in the way that this trip did. My heart was filled to the brim with love and in awe of the community the entire time and every day brought a new opportunity to learn.

Happy children in Zambia!

Lovee: And that in itself makes the bug bites all worth it! (Smiling) Those defining and “AHA” moments in our lives, thank God for them. The opportunity to evolve, to grow, and to use our lives to be and do better. Through your pictures, I could see the joy and appreciation on the people’s faces, especially the children. And one thing that really inspired me was the fact that they were always smiling, despite their meager circumstances.  Mother Teresa was right, “we can learn so much from the poor.”  Describe the one thing that resonated with you the most.

Nicole: No bug bites, thankfully…I would’ve freaked! (Laughing out loud) Mother Theresa is definitely right! I don’t think I can pick one thing …there were so many. We went over there to help the community by building the school but the lessons they taught us were so much more valuable. I learnt from the kids how to be joyful and to make the most of life regardless of my circumstance – simple joys! I learnt to take time to relax. Electricity has brought us many positive things but I think it has in a way made us more stressed. I can definitely attest to that. I am used to doing everything really late at nights. When you don’t have the luxury of inside piping/showers or electricity you are forced to do everything that has to be done while it is still bright outside. As a result we were able to go to sleep earlier and actually relax and have a chance to reset our internal clocks.  I learnt how important that is (and so did everyone else – I was less snappy -laughing out loud)

I learnt dignified humility and respect from the community -  the way they greeted each other with a respectful bow, to their quiet and observant disposition. This trip solidified my pride of my African heritage. They were so wise beyond anything a book could teach them but I also saw where opportunity could bring them. I am where I am today because I was fortunate to be given opportunities that allowed me to succeed and I was so honored to be able to pass on opportunity in that way to them.

I especially felt honored in giving inspiration to the women. They were all pleasantly surprised to see a woman in construction and were very interested and supportive. Go ladies!!  (laughing out loud)  I think what inspired me the most was being able to contribute to that cycle by not simply building a school, but in doing so also giving them the means by which they can continue helping others. Their library is already being used by nearby communities and in the same way I can envision the school lab being beneficial to not just them, but others as well.

Nicole Regobert, hands on with volunteers in Zambia

Lovee: WOW! Listening to that got me emotional! So profound! I can attest to every word! And I especially love the part about how smart and wise the children are, and the only thing that distinguishes you, us, from them is being blessed with an opportunity to shine. I am so happy that you can now pass on that torch in your own way, and allow them to shine! And I love your take on electricity and its role in our lives. I saw that you immersed yourself in the culture; you even participated in some local dance moves. (Laughing out loud) What was the most fascinating thing about Zambian culture for you?

Nicole: (laughing out loud) Yes, I couldn’t resist! I could clearly see where we got our music/dance culture from! I think the most fascinating thing is how they truly enjoy what life has to offer in every way. They are strong, hardworking and fun loving people, and I am very blessed to have been touched by them. I was also fascinated by how similar their culture is to us West Indians.

Local Volunteers working hard in Zambia

Lovee: Indeed! (Smiling) Did you get to travel to anymore countries while there?

Nicole: Yes!  I travelled to Zimbabwe and Botswana to see the Victoria Falls and for a safari. What a positively phenomenal experience.  I was truly impressed with how wildly beautiful Africa is.

Nicole Regobert all smiles at Victoria Falls

Lovee: An abundance of beauty! God blessed it; man cursed it, in many ways! I know that this project is still ongoing, what’s next?

Nicole: We did the first foundation stage of the school. The next stages will complete the walls and roofing. Concurrently, we are working with regional contractors to design and build a water filtration and piping system so that they can get water from a well to the school, clinic and houses as well as solar energy. We also have plans to implement agricultural/farming training in conjunction with Peacecorps/World Vision and social/life skills training for the young men/women.

Nicole Regobert with volunteers on building site in Zambia

Lovee: I look forward to seeing the developments and sharing it with my readers also. (Smiling) What advice would you give to anyone who wants to do something similar, or is interested in making a difference in the lives of others?

Nicole: I would tell them that there are opportunities both big and small to do this all around us. Start in the community around you and definitely don’t be afraid to get out there and do it – every bit counts! If it’s already in your heart you are halfway there. Actually doing it and making a difference is just a small step away. I cannot think of any greater accomplishment than the use of our skills and time in service to the greater good of our fellow mankind.

A local girl in Zambia

Lovee: Most definitely! With time I have come to understand the true meaning of Ghandi’s quote, “To find yourself, lose yourself in the service of others.” Words never rang more truth. To live beyond the “I” is the most fulfilling thing. So, now that you have done this, do you have any regrets?

Nicole: None! Except that I wish I had started sooner!  (Smiling)

Lovee: (Smiling) Better late than never, and you are very early! So young, so daring, so accomplished! Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. I love to be inspired, and I love when others challenge me to use my life in such an altruistic way, like you have. Cheers to you for giving back and making a difference in the lives of so many. You know I am proud of you, and I wish you all the best as you continue on with this project and the many more to come.

Nicole Regobert, enjoying the beautiful sceneries of Botswana

Nicole: Thank you Lovee! Your inspiring words and support mean so much. I am proud of you also for your many accomplishments and wish you the same. (Smiling)

Ms Percil only recently revealed this “elephant”,  as she calls it, to the world, and she now feels a renewed sense of purpose and direction in her life, and looks forward to working with the Caribbean community to help fight Child Sexual Abuse in the Caribbean and the world. A practice that is quite prevalent and  often seen as ”Taboo,”to discuss in Caribbean culture. I wanted to speak with her to learn more about her new role, purpose and challenges ahead. I know that by her speaking out, her story will inspire many who struggle with the shame and stigma of sexual abuse, and provide much needed strength and inspiration to others.

Former Model, Entrepreneur, Author and Child Advocate-Karlyn Percil

Lovee: Thank you Karlyn for taking the time to be interviewed. This interview is actually long overdue, but it just goes to show again, nothing before its time. (Smiling) You have added such an important role to your work, something I’m also passionate about, and a voice that is very much needed. I am happy that you have been chosen to lend your voice for such a worthy and important cause…

Karlyn: Oh yes! Nothing before its time. LOL. (laughing out loud) I believe that God has everything lined up for each and everyone of us and when the time is right, everything will fall into place. Thank you so much for doing this. I love your series of interviews, it provides a real voice on what we go through in life.. Sometimes we get caught up in the ”surface” stuff and miss out on having real conversations so thank you.

Yes, a very worthy and important cause but also very sensitive for a lot of people. It is a journey I know that will be tough but I look forward to making a difference in the lives of women, girls and boys as well. My focus is mainly girls because sexual assault affects a staggering 150 million  girls worldwide (double the number of boys).

Lovee: WOW! And that’s only what’s documented… Before I proceed, I know that many people like myself are wondering, why now? Why did you decide to reveal this ”elephant,” at this stage in your life, and what inspired you to do so?

Karlyn: Oh boy! Where do I start? (laughs). Why now? Because like you mentioned before nothing happens before its time. And the time slowly revealed itself. When we pay attention to our lives, we will actually see the clues laid out for us. I actually started on my journey of healing several years ago, when I made the decision to stop asking :”Why?” I stopped calling myself a victim and started seeing myself as a survivor. When you see yourself as a survivor you see your obstacles from a different set of lenses. So, I have been working on me for a number of years and last year I deemed 2012 as my year of nakedness and my year where I will confront my ’elephant” – meaning ALL of my fears, all the dark areas in my life.

The thing is, I couldn’t continue writing inspirational thoughts or my Beauty Affirmations to my readers without acknowledging where all of this came from. Sometimes I felt like I was editing myself too much because I wanted to make sure that I didn’t reveal my ”elephant”. There was so much energy being dispensed trying to do that, that sometimes I felt like my message wasn’t authentic. I told my followers most of it is written for me, which is true. My writing was therapy for me. I wrote myself to a better place. It was my online journal. I was also tired of seeing the horror stories of more children from the Caribbean being hurt and I stood by silently like everyone else, too ashamed to reach out and do something. So my inspiration is to make a difference in the lives of women and girls, in my own way. I didn’t ask for this to happen to me, so why am I letting it hold me hostage? I wanted to live an authentic life and reach my FULL potential because I deserve it. I wanted to reveal my truth but didn’t know how or when.

Lovee: Great self reflection. I like how you can be your own self critic, and acknowledge the things about you that you felt needed work, and needed to be changed to live your best life, to be your authentic self. Showing weakness is strength, and I believe the first step to healing is acknowledgement, and you are definitey doing that! Also, you are indeed right, ”God gives us exactly what we need, when he feels that we are ready.” One thing for sure, having known you for many years, there was always this drive and passion within you to succeed, and to have your voice be heard. I can remember our first modeling session back in the day, you definitely stood out, because you would put your all into it, you always gave a little extra, you wanted to do it right, like a real supermodel. LOL…Often, as Oprah once said, this passion, drive and sense of purpose derives from pain and struggle, and the individual’s need to feel empowered, and to empower those around them. I’m sure you know Oprah’s story since you are a huge fan, and her having to overcome so much, including being sexually abused by an Uncle at an early age, would you say that your horrible experience had alot to do with that undying need to succeed and make a difference in the lives of others?

Karlyn Percil and Invited Guests at UNICEF forum In Barbados. Guests included Hon Alvina Reynolds, Minister for Health, Wellness, Human Services and Gender Relations of Saint Lucia,far left

Karlyn: Oh my! I LOVE Oprah and the funny thing is, I have always admired her for so long!!!! Not for the reasons others do but for exactly what you spoke about. I used to watch Oprah in awe and Iyanla as well as she spoke about her story so openly and freely. I cried hearing her talk and asked God to allow me to be strong like her one day. That’s why she is my hero. I wanted to be her. I wanted to break away from the fear this violation had on me. I wanted to speak openly about my truth like Oprah and Iyanla. And isn’t it ironic that my first public talk about this is on her network? (it hasn’t aired yet). That’s the real reason I admired her so much, but I couldn’t tell anyone that. I just let everyone else assume it was because of all what she has accomplished.

I grew up with very little, no electricity, no running water, I did my homework by candlelight and had to walk an hour  and a half to catch the bus to go to school. While we didn’t have much, I always felt that I was equal to everyone else. That’s one thing my parents gave us—a sense of pride in who we are because she taught us that beauty is character.  That helping others around you is what life is about. This horrible experience – yes it is the catalyst for where I am today. I mean when I look at my life I can now see why  God has designed it the way he did. People often laugh at me when I tell them about my ”Princess Story” –growing up in the woods with trees and birds and bees as my friends. But I am grateful for everything he has done  for me.

So women like Oprah and Iyanla gave me the strength and courage to realise that one day I will be able to face my fear and own my story. I had to work to get to where I am today. I had to fight through the scars and ugliness this violation placed on me. Hence my mission to redefine beauty and to help women reach their full potential.

Author Karlyn Percil Presenting Her Book: I Am Beautiful

Lovee: It’s amazing how one’s story can inspire and empower another. Look how Oprah and Iyanla’s story inspired you to speak your truth. We all draw strength and muster courage from eachother, which is why I love learning about, and sharing the stories of others, because when we understand eachother, it eliminates so much of our own fears, prejudices and judgements, and allow us to be more tolerant and compassionate towards eachother. The truth is, no one likes to feel like they’re in the struggle alone, and when they find out that others can identify with them, it gives them that extra strength to keep going.

Karlyn: Oh yes! I strongly believe that sharing is caring. There is an indescribable strength and power that comes from speaking your truth. When you face it, it is then you realise that it cannot hurt you anymore than it already has. And yes, we are all going through something. We are all hurting. And that’s why I encourage women to face and share their ”elephant’. Sharing reminds us that we are not alone and that the reason why some people hurt each other is because they are hurting too. I always tell my friends ,”Hurt people, Hurt people.” That’s why very soon on my website women will be able to share the elephant they are dealing with as a means to break the shame and fear surrounding it. The funny thing is Lovee we are all hurting and we are all struggling and when we help another woman – we are helping ourselves with our healing. When we keep on hurting each other, we keep pushing ourselves into the dark.

Lovee: And it’s important to stress to others that they all don’t have to share their struggles openly and with everyone also, but with someone they can trust and feel comfortable in doing so, in an effort to start with the healing process. How did that experience affect you as a young woman growing up?

Karlyn: It affected me in a very different way. I have connected with other women who have been through a tramautic experience and we talk about that very fact. Why is it that some women continue in life and achieve success and others go down that dark path? It’s something that’s puzzling to me. It affected me in my personal relationships. I didn’t believe in love and had this HUGE wall. I remember telling my first boyfriend: ”If you tell me you love me, I am leaving you. So don’t ever say these words to me.” LOL. Terrible wasn’t it?

Lovee: LOL…I guess it was your way of dealing with it then…

Karlyn: LOL…So for years I used that wall to hold people at arms length because I felt that I didn’t deserve love, that no one would want someone who is ”broken” and ”tainted”. No one. So I focused on doing what I can do best. I can work. I can do anything I set my mind to when it comes to work. Love – that’s a whole other story…LOL. My can-do attitude and strong work ethic is why I am where I am today. And once I took away  the limitations I had placed on myself I discovered that Karlyn is more than doing what people tell her to do. She has a creative side. And if I gave her a chance, if I believe in her just a little bit, if I gave her some love, that she would accomplish great things.

So once I did that, the path to survivorship gave me permission to allow my best self to emerge. This is where Bellemoun and my books came from. This is where the need to redefine beauty came from. Because no matter what people told me, ”You look beautiful, You are beautiful. ” I did not feel beautiful. I felt many different things but not beautiful. But once I focused on grooming me again, I went back to the good ole values my mother taught me, respect, kindness, being accountable – I applied them to my life and they did wonders for my self-esteem. And this is what I would like to share with women and girls globally. That there is more to someone that meets the eye. There is more to beauty and that is the  Beauty Code. RRK – Respect, Responsibility and Kindness.– Respect for you – if you respect who you are, you won’t allow anyone to take advantage of you knowingly, so if they don’t serve you or your purpose in life, get rid of them, be kind to yourself – we have been through enough. We have suffered at the hands of others, why should we continue putting ourselves through pain? So I promised myself to be gentle and kind to me always – no negative self talk. And Be responsible for you – I had to stand up for me and OWN my story. Yes I can’t change my past but I can change my future!

Karlyn Percil being honored for her contribution to society at Parliament Hill in Canada

Lovee: Well said!…I have to tell you that although we all know that everyone one of us has some kind of ”elephant” in our lives, some of us just simply mask it alot better than others. Truth is, we all just find a way to deal, to overcome, and to survive in what can be a very harsh world. But, boy did you wear that mask well! LOL… One would have never thought! You just always seemed so filled with life and positive energy. Just goes to show, we are all fighting a battle…you just never know what someone is going through, what burden they’re carrying, so the lesson here is tolerance and not judging, but after all, we are all human, and we will faulter in that regard, but everytime we learn more about others, we begin to understand them and their behaviors so much more …and in the process even gain a greater understanding of ourselves…

Karlyn: Yes we all have a burden to carry and some of us mask it in different ways. For me like I said before it was a wall. I had a very difficult time trusting others and allowing myself to fall in love because I felt like I didn’t deserve love or didn’t deserve a good man. I was able to function in other ways – I am successful in my career and I am very active in the community. I get things done. My friend Komal said it’s the survival instinct of kids who have been through some sort of trauma. Their instincts kick in, and some perform at a higher caliber than others. I have been able to perform well from a very young age. In some ways I think it was my saving grace.

Lovee: Your friend Komal is very smart. We all find a way to deal, that survival instincts is a fascinating thing. However, I have to commend you on channeling all that pain and suffering into transforming your life, and being such a positive voice in the world. Not many people can do that. People respond to pain and suffering differently. Alot of people get self destructive, negative, outlandish, and even succumb to their circumstance, but you always seemed to find a way to turn that pain into power, and I can only commend you for that. He chose not to be a life long victim, kudos to you! Where did you find the strength and power to do so? Because we all know, it’s so much easier to be negative than it is to be positive…

Karlyn: It’s funny that you mentioned that. In my monthly group called ”SisterTalk,” we talk about that. Why is it that some people are able to survive and thrive while others go down the road of destruction? If someone is doing or did a research on that I would love to know!..hahahahaha… but I truly believe that God and being a part of the church saved me! Growing up I was actively involved in the church, doing Youth Service and AY and Pathfinders…LOL..I grew up as a Catholic but spent a lot of time in the Seven Day Adventist  Church. And honestly, my mom always had someone we either had to visit or help. So I grew up with not having much and having to wear the same shoes term after term, year after year. My Chinese shoes were always scrubbed clean! LOL. But because I was focused on others, I didn’t have time to focus on my pain. So I am grateful for the church and for my mom for getting me involved in the church.

A lot of my strength came from reading as well…I read a lot of inspirational books and listened to a lot of music..We had a radio and when we had new batteries. my sisters and I would listen to the songs on cassette and would write down the words and sing along after…LOL..Not that I had a choice with no electricity or friends close by – reading and singing was my entertainment. Thank God no one lived close by, I could sing out loud – off key without a care in the world…LOL… So I grew up with a love for escaping in books, from Nancy Drews and Hardy Boys and Jackie Collins. I also read my bible alot, and then I discovered Iyanla Vanzant. I cried the first time I read her story. I couldn’t understand how someone could go through such pain and still live to tell it. This was another glimpse of what it means to survive.

Karlyn Percil with friend at the Planet Africa Awards where she is also the host

Lovee: Who woulda thought, ”A Girl Like You?” LOL…Thank you for bringing back memories of the ”chinese shoes!” I took such pride in wearing mine also! LOL….Oh the good ole days! LOL…

Karlyn: Oh you too?! My chinese shoes and socks were always clean and my uniform was pressed with perfect pleats. I guess that’s why people never believe me when I tell them I’m a country girl. LOL…For some reason they expected people like us to be unkempt and unruly. But my mom and dad raised us all with pride and very good manners. The Percil’s are always well dressed and they were polite children. My parents worked hard to send us to school and I will always cherish my ”Chinese” shoes..LOL…

Lovee: LOL…you better! Chinese shoes rock! LOL…Ok, so when did you decide, or what happened which made you say, Ok, I’m tired of dealing silently with this ”elephant! ” I am going to deal with it head on, even if it means that I may feel completely naked to the world, but I have to be at peace with myself, because I believe that the only way to peace and happiness is through truth, and it doesn’t mean you have to speak it out loud to the world, but at least to yourself, and make changes where necessary. That’s where true healing begin I believe. In your case, you decided to speak it out to the world… so when did this ”AHA” moment happen for you?

Karlyn: To be honest it was a work in progress. It wasn’t a ok let’s do this and bam! I’ve been working on myself for several years. Like really working. I first had to acknowledge that I am a survivor of Child Sexual Abuse, and that I have a wall and that I had issues..LOL. It wasn’t easy but I had to face my truth. I had to learn to be OK with who I am – ALL of me.. I had to learn to love me again. To be kind and gentle with me and to tell the little girl that it is not her fault. I had to know and believe that I was beautiful. That I was worthy. I told myself to stop asking ”why me” and stop playing victim. I made the decision to become a survivor. When I was strong enough and OK with being me, I said that one day I will find the courage to tell my story. I allowed myself to open up and  here we are today.

Lovee: We are always a work in progres. It’s funny how God works in our lives.You know, as I mentioned in my book, ”A Girl Like Me,” I believe that some people will have to suffer publicly for the millions of people who suffer privately, because the reality is not everyone will have the courage like you or me to be so outspoken, and respond to such pain in a positive way. Not many people will be empowered to turn that pain into power, or feel like they are able to forgive, reason why I think the higher power uses some of us to be a voice, a force, or some form of inspiration to help others find that much needed strength that they need to know that they are not alone, and that they can overcome. Do you sometimes feel that God is using you in that way?

Karlyn: I believe that some people will have to suffer publicly for the millions of people who suffer privately- I LOVE that quote!!!! When I saw that quote in your book I was like WOW did she write that for me? LOL …And I can’t remember if I emailed you about it but it was profound to me. God is so amazing. We have been through alot. We’ve had our share of ups and downs. When I look back I think that yes he is using me. He designed my life this way for a reason. Joel Osteen said something that I always reflect on during my dark days: ”The depth of your past in an indication of your future.”

So I know that he is using me for a reason….

Karlyn Percil-A New Voice for Child Sexual Abuse 

Lovee: Indeed! We can’t choose the cards which we are dealt, but we have control over the hands that deal them, and you are certainly dealing with yours in the right way. In our culture, almost any topic apart from Politics seems taboo. There are alot of things we don’t like discussing out loud. There are alot of things we like sweeping under the carpet, and prefer to play a deaf ear or blind eye to, than addressing. Often in fear of shame, or fear of being judged, criticised, etc. You really can’t blame others, because we all know our people can be tough! But when we continue to do so, our society continues to decay, our children continue to suffer, and the vicious cycle continues….sadly. My dear friend, Velika Lawrence, I know you’ve read my previous interview with her, is a strong voice on the issue, having been a victim herself.  She has formed her own Organisation called PROSAF, to help fight the stain and stigma of Child Sexual Abuse, and give children a voice. I hope you both can work together in the near future…

Karlyn: Yes! It is quite sad that adults are willing to put what others think about them when two year olds are being brutalised. Have we as a scociety lose sight of what really matters? Can we all silently stand by and continue to ignore that many young girls are suffering and are doing drugs, transactional sex and teenage preganancy? We have become so dissensitized that mothers feel that it is OK to sell their daughters for sex. How can we expect our young girls to become leaders when we continuously break their legs?  We need to protect them. We need to stop blaming the victims.We need to go back to what really matters. Our girls…our children..our young boys. And to your point  about the cycle continues. When I listen to some of these mothers who turn a blind eye, I can’t help but wonder how many of them were abused? How many of them think that they don’t deserve better that they actually think that what they put their children through is OK. In addition to my work with UNICEF, I will be reaching out to others and would love to connect with people like Veleika.. I’m so happy to see her sharing her story and adding her voice to breaking the silence. I would like to say Bravo to her and her organisation and to all those who have stepped out and who are doing their part.

Lovee: Yes indeed. I am so proud of her. When I first read her story, I was in awe of her strength and courage. I know she will make a difference with her work. The reality is, no one one’s to be the voice for Child Sexual Abuse in Saint Lucia or the Caribbean, because no one one wants to be the one to expose the father, uncle, friend, politician, cousin, brother, sister, pastor, priest etc who is doing this. Coming from an island, everyone seems connected in some way, and even though our country is founded on christian values, in such cases, ironically, most people tend to be silent on the issue. Children as you said, often feel shame, and like this sick act is their fault. How do you intend to use your voice to help to get people to ACT, and to do alot more than just talk?

Karlyn: I will be using the key messages from UNICEF  to create a Social Media strategy and to get Caribbean Nationals to take  pledge and break the silence. A take-away from the two day conference in Barbados was an Action Plan and a Declaration which the Caribbean islands will be committed to once it is ratified.

I need all Caribbean Nationals to Take the Pledge and to Break the Silence. My goal is to create a culture of  zero tolerance and to get everyone talking about it. I want the young children to hear us talking about it on the radio, on the television and all forms of media so that  they know that they are not alone and that we are working on their behalf to ensure that the elected officials work in their favour. Through this, I hope to send a strong message to the offenders that the community will no longer stay quiet about this. We will keep on talking and holding the elected officials accountable as well. Legislature needs to change. It’s a multipronged approach and I am proud to be a  part of it.

Karlyn Percil Chair and Host of the Harry Jerome Awards in Toronto Canada

Lovee: Great approach. We can’t be afraid to talk about the issues that affects us all! Saint Lucian judge, Justice Redhead once said, and I quote. “It is like a disease in St. Lucia -six year olds, nine year olds, twelve year olds. Why are they doing this? What is wrong with St. Lucia? Perhaps the court is too lenient. I think the courts need to send out a stronger message.”

Do you agree? What do you think needs to be done to help stop this, and bring some men and women to justice?

 Karlyn:  He is right. It is not only the courts or Government who needs to do something.  It is also us – you and me. We need to say something. That’s why I am so happy to be an advocate for UNICEF’s approach.  AS UNICEF stated in their communication, ”It’s a multi-pronged approach to protect children against sexual abuse and the risk of HIV. On one hand the initiative aims to reach victims and their families with a message to speak out and denounce, to break the stigma and shame that surrounds the issue. At the same time, it is an advocacy platform directed at policy makers, health workers and the police to create effective protection and treatment services.”

Lovee: I know that you are aware that you have a huge challenge ahead of you, so did you ever ask…why me? Why did God choose a girl like me to help fight such a cause, and if it would be to big of a responsibility for me?

Karlyn: I really couldn’t understand why me…and I prayed and asked Him : Why me? Alot!..I used to beg him, asking him why couldn’t he give me a normal childhood? Why couldn’t he make me normal. Why? Why? Why? I went from being angry  at him to thanking him and acknowledging that he has designed my life exactly as it should be. For I am grateful that he is using me to do his work. He is using me to be a voice for millions who is affected by this. I grew up in the bush for a reason. Like everything he has done, there is a reason. So I have learned to trust in him and to follow my heart when he speaks. When I think about how my work with UNICEF came about, it was all his doing. I read a quote that says: ”Our intuition is God talking to us.” So I am so happy that he spoke to me . The more quiet we are, the more opportunities we have to hear from God.

Lovee: ”Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens.”….(Smiling) What is your new role as an Advocate to UNICEF?

Karlyn: My role is to Break the Silence and to put a real voice to the issue. We the survivors are people you know. We are real. We are not victims. My aim is to get as many pledges as possible from Caribbean Nationals and to take that back to UNICEF and the elected officials to show that we are standing up for the children of the Caribbean. We need to send a strong message to the Government and other key individuals who can change the health or legal framework to better protect children. I will need your help and the help of every individual out there to break the silence and to get loud about what really matters.

Lovee: Count me in! How are you today? How are you coping with being a victim of child sexual abuse, and how are you fighting or dealing with those demons on a daily basis?

Karlyn: I am doing great! Prioir to sharing my story publicy I had a few mini heart attacks…LOL..I had anxiety attacks, I cried for no reason! I was a total mess…LOL. But I have a great support system. My family are my biggest supporters, my mom, dad, brother and sisters , my cousins, my BFF Heidi – gosh I don’t know what I would do without her – they are amazing and are great cheerleaders. My incredible boyfriend Jason  who has strong and broad shoulders for me to lean on and boy do I lean on them. I  Thank God for his patience and love. My dear friend Komal who is also a Social Worker so we have a number of talk and discussion sessions. At work we have a 24 hour support line which is open for employees.  I  also have my incredible sisters from SisterTalk – It’s a monthly group meeting of enlightened women form different professions, we meet once a month and we open our hearts and share our ”elephant” stories. It’s a night of fun, laughter, tears and of course great wine!..LOL. I am lucky I have a great community of friends and people who love me.

Karlyn Percil: “I am lucky I have a great community of friends and family who loves me”

Lovee: Those support systems or ”circle of light” as I call them are so important, so needed. Happy you have them.  I would be nothing without them. What advice would you give to anyone reading this interview who is a victim, or was a victim of sexual abuse?

Karlyn: First thing I would say is that  it is NOT your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. And YOU are NOT a victim! If you are here, you survived. You are not what happened to you. We have suffered enough. We’ve been through the nightmare. And we have carried the blame, fear, shame and guilt for years. It is now time to act like a survivor and take your power back.

Get the help you need to get back on track to reaching your full potential. Child Sexual Abuse is a Human Right Issue and you have a right to feel beautiful and most importantly you have a right to reach your full potential. And I would give them a hug as well. (smile)

Dr Brene Brown, a vulnerablility and shame expert and one of my fav authors said this:

“Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. Shame can’t survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy.”

So I am telling my story and defying shame and I hope that one day in their own way that they too can tell their story.

Lovee: Kudos to you! I know you will inspire many by sharing your story. When you initially told me that you were going to reveal something to the world that would change your life, I encouraged you to speak your truth, but we all know that sometimes the truth can come with much criticism and feeling a bit vulnerable, it’s so much easier to wear that mask right?:) But I can remember telling you that it will be the most liberated you will ever feel, and probably the most at peace too. I know you’ve only just revealed this news, but now that you’ve revealed this ”elephant,” to the world, do you feel liberated and at peace?

Karlyn: I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted! LOL. I feel stronger walking in my truth. I feel authentic that I can finally speak from my true voice – from sharing where I found my strength. And I feel that I have permission to visit my darkest days and to talk about them. I am no longer afraid when I go there. I can acknowledge it –publicly! LOL.. And while facing my elephant doesnt take it away, it definitely has changed my approach to life. No more editing and putting  a part of me in a box. All of me is showing up for life, so watch out world!.:)

Again I love this quote form Dr Brene Brown.“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

Karlyn Percil Keynote Speaker at UNICEF Forum in Barbados on Child Sexual Abuse

Lovee: Cheers to that! I’m loving the new YOU!:) You will soon begin to see that by taking the first step, God will lead you to the entire staircase, and your true purpose and destiny will be defined. And, it won’t always be easy, to whom much is given, much is expected and required,  and those TESTS, they just never seem to end,LOL… but something tells me that you will be just fine. (Smiling) I’m proud of you, and I pray that God continues to give you the strength, courage and  wisdom as you continue to use your life and voice to make a difference in the lives of many, especially children. If I can ever be of help, please, don’t hesitate to ask.

Karlyn: Thank you Lovee (Smiling) You know I will be calling upon you for help. And thank you for the prayers, I will always need them. Secrecy around child sexual abuse is a warm and safe place for lots of people and I know that lots of people will be angry that I am threathening their warm and safe place but it’s time. And I am looking forward to having all of you join me  to help me Break the Silence. Thank you for the opportunity. It is a pleasure as always chatting with you. You’re an inspiration to us all, inlcuding me and I love your energy and drive. You too have shared your ’elephant’ and I know that you have inspired many. We need more women facing their truth. To all the women reading this: Know that you are not alone. Whatever your ’elephant” is – you have the strength and the courage to face it. It lies within! Pretty soon women will be able to share their elephant and also take the pledge to end Child Sexual Abuse via my website.. It’s still under construction but will be fully functional in about two weeks. Keep doing what you are doing Lovee! The world needs more women like you. *muah*

Karlyn Percil on the Cover of Seashell Magazine

Lovee: Thank you for the kind words and encouragement! Like you, I am always a work in progress, but all we can do is try to live our best lives and be our best selves, no matter how many times we fall and faulter, we just have to keep trying and keep going. When we know better, we should do better.  I’ll keep trying, and in the process encourage others to do the same…(Smiling)

To learn more about Karlyn Percil, visit her website at www.karlynpercil.com

Adrian Fanis-Entrepreneur and Grooming Extraordinaire

Lovee: Hello Adrian, thank you for being so gracious and accepting my request to be interviewed. I was impressed by your kind approach to me when I launched my book, ”A Girl Like Me”. Although we did not know of eachother, as a fellow Saint Lucian, you wrote to me and congratulated me on my success and wished me continued blessings. It spoke so much about the man that you are, and how important it is to you for us as a people to encourage and support eachother, so thank you (Smiling).

Adrian: Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a part of your movement…(Smiling)

Lovee: What really stood out for me is the positive energy you continually put out there to others. Also, your intense passion for life, and your pursuit for excellence through your various initiatives, including your one of a kind grooming salon, which is really like no other. It is always refreshing to meet respectable and passionate young men as yourself, so I felt compelled to share your story, so it can serve as a source of inspiration to others. I have to ask, what inspires you to continue to be so positive in a world that can be so negative?

Adrian: I truly love life and understand that we are all here on borrowed time. Tomorrow is not promised and coming from humble beginning, I appreciate all that is good. I focus on the positive and magnify it. It can always be worse is one of my personal mottos. I was put here on this earth for a purpose and I can’t take anything that I accomplish with me. If my life does not add value to the life of someone else, then I have lived in vain. I want to be an ambassador for positive change and inspiration in the lives of as many people I can. This mindset keeps me positive and grounded.

Adrian Fanus-”I want to be an ambassador for positive change”

Lovee: And that is indeed a life of purpose and depth. And of course, the high standards that you set for yourself is apparent, because you have managed to turn a regular hair cut into an entire grooming experience, in your words, ”it’s about impacting somebody’s life.” How did the concept for your salon and the grooming experience come about?

Adrian: I truly love people and making them feel good. I realized that guys would not only come for a haircut but also for the conversation. I wanted to create an oasis where people could come and unwind after a tough week of work. An escape, their home away from home that incoorporated an environment for privacy, relaxation, comfort and a haven for growth, networking minus the pretentiousness. I realized that this did not exist and wanted to create it.

The AFG Grooming Experience

Lovee: And you sure did! That is a brilliant  concept. What has the journey been like for you getting to where you are now?

Adrian: I moved from Saint Lucia to New York on April 2nd 2001 with $200 in my pocket and a dream. After I bought my clippers I had $25 left to my name. I was nervous. A friend had already arranged for me to work at a barbershop in the crown height section of Brooklyn. I started work the following day.

Imagine my surprise when I made $250 the first week of working. I was estatic and considerd myself a success with a $50 profit on my investment (laughing out loud).

Working at the barbershop taught me alot about myself. The road was rough, and I had to watch my temper, as the owner would short my wages. I would not be here today.

I failed the first time I took the New York State Barber Exams and was devasted, but this encouraged me to learn my craft better. I left that shop after two years and went to a new barbershop and started buliding my clientel all over again.

My focus became not just giving someone a good haircut, but to get them to come back because I did an excellent job. I must have passed over 10,000 business cards on the trains, people’s doorstep, in traffic and every business I went. ”paying my dues”.

Word spread and opportunities presented themselves. I was introduced to a few people who helped me become the grooming editor of a magazine, and then meet celebrities such as Forrest Whitaker.

I also learned to do makeup along the way.

Adrian and actor Forrest Whittaker

Lovee: What a story! I am so happy you overcame all odds and persevered. How do you generally deal with obstacles and adversities?

Adrian: I read this book a long time ago called, ” Who ate my cheese”. It was about two mice who had a large supply of cheese and didnt realize that it was slowly finishing. One day, no more cheese was left. One mice stayed there and wallow in self pity and the other was proactive and went to search for new cheese. I became that second mice and realized that I can’t change a situation once it has happened but I can control how I respond to it. I don’t allow myself to stress about anything anymore. I just focus on solutions.

Lovee: Great approach! (Smiling) You are a native from Micoud in Saint Lucia, what was it like growing up in Saint Lucia, and how has it contributed to the man that you are today?

Adrian: I can appreciate growing up in Saint Lucia a lot more now than ever before. Growing up and having to wear a uniform at school gave me a certain discipline that I still carry with me. My friends became my brothers and the love we shared for each other taught me loyalty and love. We played football, cricket, fished and spent green days by the river and hot days on the beach. St Lucia taught me to never take anything for granted.

Where it all began. The old barber shop in Micoud Saint Lucia, where Adrian worked

Lovee: I am surely attest to that. Those days were truly priceless, and it does instill a certain humility and appreciation for life and everything in it. As a child, what were some of your dreams and aspirations, and did you always display such great characteristics, or did it develop overtime?

Adrian: As a child, I wanted to be a pilot and then as I became a little older I was consumed with the dream of being a fisherman. I wanted to buy a boat then another and then a large fishing troller. No one would belive that now (laughing out loud). I was raised by my mother and grew up with my older sister. We came from an extendend family and they were supportive and loving. I was raised around women and the presence of men was small. For a young boy, that created a feeling of being lost, and you start searching for male influence. Most of my friends were in the same situation, so growing up, we became male role models to each ther.

Lovee: That is profound! ”We became role models for eachother.” It’s great that you all could have been that for eachother. You now live in New York. A place you call home. How has the transition from the islands, to living in a vast culture like New-York impacted/changed your life?

Adrian Fanus with one of his clients-Musician John Legend

Adrian: I started visiting New York from the age of ten, and would spend the majority of the summers here. I hated NY at first. Concrete City was my name for it. I did not have the same freedom here as I did in Saint. Lucia, and would always look forward to going back home.

Now I love New York, especially for the diversity and culture. I became a man in New York. My transition from Saint Lucia was a slow one. When I moved at nineteen years old, I was ready and focus. Coming from a smaller island creates a need to over compensate and want to accomplish so much. I felt I had to make my whole community proud of me.

Lovee: Most of us from the islands sure feel that need and pressure. I know that your mother, Ms Austina Fanus, former political nominee for the Micoud North constiuency in Saint Lucia plays a major role in your life and your success, tell us a little more about her, and her infleunce in your life.

Adrian Fanus and his mother Ms Austina Fanus

Adrian: My mother is such a strong woman. She always kissed me and told me she loved me. I admire and respect her so much. My mother has always been the breadwinner for the family and it shows in her work ethic ( I got that from her).  She is such a  selfless person and would give her last to help anyone in need. She made sure I had the best and was well traveled and cultured. Thats my ROCK!!!!!

Lovee: Awww, it’s always great to hear a man speak so highly about his mother. It says alot. She must be so proud. One of the things that is admirably about you is your ability to speak openly and candidly about issues that are often difficult for men to discuss even privately, and you put yourself out there in a way that is not customary of black men. Have you always been so open and candid with expressing yourself to others? And do you think it’s important for men, especially black men to show more of a softer, emotional side? And how do you find the courage to do so?

Adrian Fanus with his two sons

Adrian: I know who I am because I know who I am not. Too many times black men manhood is challenged when they express their emotions. My mother is a very open and vocal person and I got that from her. My friends were never in the habit of telling each other ” I Love You”. It is considered taboo for a man to say that to each other and I changed that with my family and friends.

If you live your life worrying about what people say you will die very unhappy. I choose not to.  We are facing an epidimic out here of self destructive lifestyles that is promoted in the media and music and I want to encourage young men and women to do better.

Yes, men need to be honest with their emotions and feel free to express them. Find people who you can talk to and give you constructive advice.

Lovee: I am loving you!  (laughing out loud) You hit the nail with every word. Wish every man who is struggling with their manhood could read your words. I especially love what you said about knowing who you are, because you know what you’re not! That’s deep! (Smiling) What are some the great challenges that you were forced to face with on your journey?

Adrian Fanus giving a master haircut

Adrian: One of the greatest challenges was moving to New York and being away from my family and friends. It took me eight years before I was able to go back home. To long for the nostalgia of Saint Lucia. I was sick. I tried not to think about home. That was rough. That was part of the sacrifice I had to make to be out here.

Lovee: There is always a sacrifice or a price to pay. I know many people can empathise with your struggle. That is one of the hardest things for many, not being able to go home. But thankfully, no situation is permanent. You are also the father of two handsome young boys, how have they changed your life and the man that you are today?

Adrian: My sons have kept me grounded and saved my life. You become a lot more aware of the decisions you make knowing that they will affect your kids so you have to choose wisely.

I know with kids, their ears are closed to advice but their eyes are always open to example. I am mindful of that and wanting to leave them with a great head-start on life is my misson. I work for them. I want to leave a name behaind that means something and a legacy they can build upon.

Adrian Fanus with his son on graduation day

Lovee: I know your children will be proud. What was your relationship with your father like?

Adrian: I do not have a relationship with my father. I am okay with that now. I understand that children may come through you but are not from you. He is the second half of the vessel that I came into being but not the source. The source is the universe. I have made my peace with the situation.

Lovee: ”The source is the universe.” Well said. We are indeed all children of the universe. You know, this is something I have observed, and since I am passionate about the youth, and I know that you are too, I have to ask this. One of the things that is apparent in our culture is the absence of fathers in their children’s lives, and the high percentage of single mothers in the home. In almost all of my past interviews, most of the fathers were noticeable absent, including in my life. Often, these young men and women grow up to be outstanding individuals without their father’s presence, but there are many who fall through the cracks. How do you think we as a people and culture can help end this vicious cycle, and get our men to take up their responsibilities as fathers?

Adrian: Life is all about choices. Young men and women need to understand the word RESPONSIBILITY! One of the main reason of sex is to procreate and this have gotten overshadowed by just the object for pleasure. Young men and women need better sex education and working on being independent, self sufficient and to follow their dreams before focusing on a family. We need to raise the value and the importance in the media. Magazines and songs that promote being a responsible parent is honorable.

Adrian Fanus on the beautiful island of Saint Lucia with his sons

Lovee: Great advice. Responsibility and accountability is definitely something we need more of in our culture. I know that you have a few causes that you are actively involved in back in Saint Lucia. What are they? And why is it important to you to give back?

Adrian:  Part of my company is called AFG CAUSES. We have provided relief for the victims of the earthquake in Haiti, the landslide in St Lucia, and recently we worked on a project to provide school bags and supplies for students in St Lucia.

It is important to give back because it is our human obligation. We would not be here if our mothers, doctors and nurses first neglected us when we were first born. Our whole existence is dependent on others. We should not turn a blind eye and always be mindful of that.

Adrian Fanus news article on relief for Haiti

Lovee: Well said. Ghandi said, ”If you want to find your self, lose yourself in the service of others.” I believe this to be true. If there is any advice that you could give to the youth about success and what it entails, what would it be?

Adrian: What is it that you can think about doing for free? Then pursue that and you will be successful. Success is not about having lots of money but doing that which you love and make you happy. It requires sacrifice and hard work. Not everyone will believe in your dreams and that’s why it is your dream. Hold it close to your heart, do not let go, and keep working on it. Remember it is never failure until you stop trying.

AFG Grooming by Adrian Fanus

Lovee: Great, great advice. ”It is not failure, until you stop trying.” Indeed. You have already attained quite a great deal of success. What is your ultimate dream for your life?

Adrian: My dream is to develop AFG into a global conglomerate that can help provide employment for over 50,000 people.

Lovee: Very ambitious, but I believe that you have what it takes (Smiling). I wish you all the best as you push forward. I ask this questions to all my guests, what would you like your legacy to be?

AFG Salon-Soon in a city near you

Adrian: I would like people to say that he lived a life that added positive value to the life of everyone he met. He lived a selfless life and gave of himself.

Lovee: Something tells me that your legacy will come to pass. Thank you for such profond and uplifting words. I know that God will continue to use you as an example, and use your life to inspire others. Continue to be a positive light to all you encounter. God bless.

Adrian: Likewise. Thank you and God bless.